


Maniac

by Ihopuhopwehop



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Based on a Conan Gray Song, Gen, Have a biscuit, Inspired by Music, Song Lyrics, The Prank, mentions of child abuse & trauma, song: Maniac (Conan Gray)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihopuhopwehop/pseuds/Ihopuhopwehop
Summary: Sirius’ perspective of after “the prank.” A song fic based on “Maniac” by Conan Gray. Angst. Might make it a multi-chapter at a later date but for now just a one-shot.





	Maniac

**Author's Note:**

> TW: MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE, ASSAULT, THE PRANK. 
> 
> Does not go into detail about child abuse or assault, just mentions it but you are pre-warned. Do what’s good for your mental health!

Sirius scrubbed his eyes fiercely as he walked dejectedly down the hall towards McGonagall’s office.

Whispers followed him every where he went, though they were ten-fold this time around because no body else actually knew the extent of what happened. 

Some called him psychopathic.

Thinking he had done something similar to what his family members did. That he’d finally gotten the dark mark and now James, Remus, and Peter refused to associate with him because of it.

Some told him to stop being so dramatic.

That whatever it was, they’d fix it soon. James, Remus, and Peter couldn’t stay mad at him for long. They were brothers. 

Surely they’d work it out.

At least that’s what they told him. He wasn’t so sure what bonds of blood or love meant to anyone anymore. 

He was the perfect example. 

Their friendship had been magic. 

Supporting each other no matter what it was. Being there for each other. Helping him heal himself after his father sliced him. Sitting with him while he tried to forget his nightmares. Comforting Remus after the full moon, seeing who could eat the most chocolate frogs. Saving the cheese danishes for Peter. And researching new brooms for James to try out.

Now it was tragic.

Because he chose to make it that way. 

At first he tried to convince himself it wasn’t his fault. That if only Snape hadn’t done what he did. If only Snape hadn’t been nosing around Remus. Lurking and searching for their secrets.

But really he was the one to go manic. 

He was just so angry. So explosively angry.

Everywhere he looked Snape was there. 

Whispering to his innocent, little brother. 

Pointing out Remus’ scars to fellow Death Eaters.

Calling James a blood-traitor. 

Harassing mud—that word. Muggleborns.

He had had it with Snivellus. So he decided to do something about it.

He didn’t think...no couldn’t think of any other option that would work better than scaring Snape. Threatening him with the knowledge Snape so callously desired. 

He didn’t think about how the monster at the end of the tunnel would turn into a living human being that would have to live with the consequences of Sirius’ actions.

All he could think about was that Snape had it coming. And he knew just what to give him. 

And then it all went wrong. 

Suddenly, James wasn’t supporting this decision.

James was yelling at him. Cursing at him. Demanding Sirius tell James just what he had done. 

Suddenly, James wasn’t on his side.

And Sirius pushed him away. Tried to explain why he had done it, but all he got was James telling him he needed to get help. 

But Sirius didn’t know who to ask for help, if not his brother. 

Back to the present, Sirius was now in front of McGonagall’s office. 

He released a deep, shaky breath as he knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

He slumped his shoulders as he hesitantly slipped through the door, enjoying how the whispers behind him faded as the heavy wood clicked into place.

“Ah, Mr. Black.”

He couldn’t help the flinch. His last name was a reminder of what he did. His parents would be so proud to know Sirius was using a werewolf for his own gain. 

It made Sirius sick.

And sad. Tears sprung to his eyes again, but he forced them to stay there, hating how much his eyes burned. 

“Professor.” His voice was raspy from the sobbing he had done in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom.

She gestured him to sit and he mechanically did so, waiting for her to yell at him like many others had.

When she opened her mouth, he flinched again. Until,

“Have a biscuit.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. Have a biscuit? Why? What was the point?

He delicately picked one up and brought it towards his body, but didn’t dare put it in his mouth yet.

McGonagall just stared at him until he finally took a tiny bite, hoping he did what she wanted of him.

“I think it’s time we had a little chat.”

He gulped down the little bit of biscuit as he waited for her to continue. 

“Tell me Sirius, how are you doing?”

That one question shouldn’t have done it.

And he tried so hard to make it not happen, but he couldn’t help it. 

He broke down. 

The tears he’d thought were suppressed, came rushing painfully up and his throat constricted, a lump forming.

He put a rough hand on his forehead while he leaned forward. The tears leaking out. His dirty, shoulder-length hair falling into his face. 

He breathed a shaking breath before he could get a word out.

“Not—not good.” His voice broke. 

Suddenly though, all of his thoughts came rushing out. 

“I can’t—I can’t believe I did that. To Remus. To James. To Sn—Snape.” He exhaled forcefully, a choking sob working its way up. “I’m so much more like my family than I thought.”

He was now sobbing harder than he had in his entire life. In front of his Professor. His Professor who looked like she was trying her hardest to push her own tears down. 

“Remus isn’t the monster. I am. I used his affliction against him. And the sad thing is, if James hadn’t have fought me, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But Snape deserved it.” Another wracking sob and a sniffle. 

“He corrupted Regulus. My—my little brother. One of  _them_.  He hurt Remus. Made fun of his scars. Hell, he said Mary McDonald’s assault was “just a laugh” I don’t—I can’t” 

He paused, running a hand down his face, “What’s wrong with me Professor? What’s—“ He took a deep inhale, trying to finally get rid of the painful lump in his throat, before he looked into his Professor’s pained eyes. 

“I just wanted to help them. But I only made it worse. And now I have no one. Not James. not Remus. Not Reg—Regulus.” 

He leaned back in the chair, but folded his arms around himself, waiting to see what she had to say. 

She only pushed the biscuit tin towards him again, and he gratefully took one. 

She then conjured some water for him to drink and Sirius thought it felt cool against his throat. 

When he was finished and unsure about what to do now, McGonagall finally spoke. 

“Sirius. I think you need to heal. From what I’ve heard, you’ve experienced a lot of abuse and trauma from your family. This in no way excuses what you did, and you will have consequences for your actions as Dumbledore, Slughorn, and myself deem fit, but you need help. As such, you will meet in my office weekly for the rest of the year and we will work through some things and teach you better ways to cope with your emotions, of course, if you are okay with it?” 

Sirius didn’t know. He wasn’t sure what help she could give, but seeing as he no longer had friends to rely on, he figured he should at least give McGonagall a try. 

So he nodded. James had said he needed help anyways. Maybe this was the help he meant. 

“Can I...can I change my mind if I don’t like it?”

“Of course. Or you may request a new therapist to help you if you feel I am not the best fit for you.” 

Sirius nodded again and swallowed audibly. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you Sirius. You may go back to Gryffindor tower.” 

Sirius didn’t miss the unspoken warning; don’t go anywhere you shouldn’t. 

Sirius stood up and walked out of her office, his shoulders tensed and his eyes hurting. 

He clenched his eyes shut as he made it out into the hallway, the whispers once again flaring as people noticed him. 

Just at that moment, he noticed Remus walking in front of him, no doubt heading to the common room. 

He debated catching up with him, but thought of the pain in Remus’ eyes when he had found out what he’d done. 

He didn’t think he was ready to face him again. So he sulked back behind him and stayed as close the wall as he could. 

He let Remus get safely in the common room, waiting in the hallway a for a few minutes, before giving the password to the Fat Lady and cautiously entering the common room. 

He noticed James, Remus, and Peter by the fireplace. All looking exhausted, but James smiled at something Remus said, and Sirius had to look away. 

He wanted to go to their four poster but knew it was getting late and they’d be retiring soon, so instead he flopped onto the window seat, ignoring his housemates questioning looks and gossip. 

He had been staring at the faint outline of the whomping willow for about ten minutes when someone sat across from him. 

He lazily rolled his head to the side to see who it was and refused to let the hope that it was James or Remus show on his face. 

It was Lily Evans. 

She smiled at him lightly.

He wanted to roll his eyes but managed to control that impulse. Look at him go, only one session with McGonagall and he already was showing restraint. 

He inwardly snorted at his joke but outwardly puffed a strand of hair out of his eyes.   
  


“What do you want?”

“Why aren’t you sitting with them?”

He knew she was just curious but it still pissed him off.

So he scowled at her, “because I’m alone now Evans.” When she opened her mouth to ask a question, he continued, “if you’re here to ask me questions, don’t bother. I’m not in the mood.” 

He turned back to the whomping willow.

He felt a tentative hand on his knee, “I’m not sure what’s happened, but...I’m here if you need to talk.” When he only continued staring at her she continued, “or you know, stare pensively out of window with you like the brooder you are, then—“ she shrugged her shoulders and it brought a twitch of his lips.

How ironic that Snivellus’ former best friend was the one there for him, “Thanks Evans. I’ll keep that in mind.”

At this, he stood up and made his way up to their dormitory, hoping to be in and out of the shower before  they went to bed. 


End file.
